Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
