he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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