i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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