I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
