i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ketchup is God's man juice
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
