I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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