Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize