I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize