I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My hand turned me down
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
