In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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