we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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