so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
