remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
