i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
