i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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