i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
