I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
