I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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