i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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