If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
