the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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