I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
