i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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