There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
