toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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