I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
