I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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