Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Holy sore nipples Batman
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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