Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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