I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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