the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
