you would pick up someone in the library
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize