I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
