Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
