I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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