Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Randomize
