You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize