Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
