Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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