ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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