Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
