I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
