what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
