we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
