The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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