Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
