the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
