is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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