if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
