did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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