That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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