I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize