Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize