Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
