I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
