Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
