I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
