No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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