dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
