I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
