Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
