dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
His nipple licking is glorious
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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