i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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