Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my shit smells like andre
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
