It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i love accidental penises.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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