you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
