ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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