I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize